love vs fear

I went to St Mary for sunset mass yesterday. and I felt very blessed to be able to hear the homily given by Fr John Wong. here is the excerpt:

the opposite of love is not hatred
hatred makes us unhappy, but most of the time the person that we hate can't even be bothered about our hatred. and so in the end, the hatred hurt ourselves

the opposite of love is fear
fear or rejection, fear of letting ourselves being too close to others, fear of being manipulated
fear prevent us from from doing act of love
fear prevent us to show that we care for others
fear is the opposite of love

the oppsotite of justice (integrity) is not law-less-ness
law-less-ness often root in person that was hurt, that was betrayed

the opposite of justice is apathy
justice no longer exist, if we can't even be bothered about what's happening around us
justice no longer exist, if we don't care of what's happening to our brothers and sisters

I might not get the exact words from the homily. but this is what i understand from the homily: fear prevents us from loving and apathy eradicates justice from people who needs it

Lord, thank you for the understanding you've given me today
teach me to love without fear
teach me to care about others around me, to never let justice be taken from those who deserve it

next time you think you are perfect .....

i was walking out from my church last week when a car (or was it a van?) passed by

behind that car, i saw a sticker that says

next time you think you are perfect, try walking on water

a very well written sentence that I'll remember for a very long time (until my brain cell start to fail me)

i guess the sentence stuck with me because I know that I have the tendency to become arrogant. by God's blessing I grow up in a very loving family and has always had relatively easy live, especially with my study and with my work (yes, there were times that I cried and feel that I'm the most pitiful person in the world, but when my brain and my heart is functioning properly I always know that I'm blessed).

when I manage to do something well I'll feel happy, proud and grateful. which is ok (God wants us to be happy). but the problem comes when (once in a while) I overdo it and I change from being proud to being arrogant. and unconsciously I start to feel grateful about my talent, not being grateful for the Giver of the talent

thank God that until now, he always send people that care enough to remind me when I'm being arrogant or too selfish. reminding me that I'm not perfect

Lord, I know I will never be perfect, for perfection is not what you've asked from your children

teach me to accept this and to be faithful to your will in my life

another try at blogging

it's been 3 years since the last time I blog here. actually I visited the blog few times, but for no good reason I just didn't/couldn't write anything. I'm quite surprised that some people actually left their comments here, thanks to you (except for the spam :p). and I'm sorry I stopped writing

after 3 years of: stop writing, re-visiting this blog, having thoughts going arund my brain but doesn't have the ... (time/courage/will)... to write it, and after some times hestitating..... I decided to give another try at blogging :)

a lot has changed in 3 years, but when I look back to this blog, one thing that hasn't (and won't) change is, I'm still an ordinary but very blessed girl who wants to give thanks to God for all His greatness in my life
( Lord, help me to remember this always )

things that have changed:
- i've got my degree and is currently working
- i have a fiancee and is getting married in 3 months time ^^

thank you Lord for giving me the will to restart this blog. may the things that i write and the life that I live bring Glory to your name

Because of you -- imagine a child cry in this song

I like the lyric of this song, because I find is not as another heartbroken ppl song, but I think the lyric is a cry of a child who had a very bitter childhood.

I feel very sad when I realize that there are children who had a miserable childhood. Maybe a child with abusive parents, or unloving parent, or parents who also had miserable live and therefore dump their misery on their children.

I'm very lucky because I have great parents. They aren't perfect, but they really spoiled me with a lot of love (not material but real affection) throughout my life. I really love them. But when I heard this song I realize many children aren't lucky enough to have good parents.

I pray for those children who had similar cry to this song and hope that they will find other hands that will offer them comfort and embrace that they didn't get in their childhood.
And I also hope ppl would be more aware how difficult it is to be a parent. Every action, emotion, thought and word of a parent really shapes a child.

It might sounds a bit ridiculuos to think about "parenting" stuff while I'm still an undergraduate (and I don't even have a boyfriend :P) but I just feel so sad and disturbed when I imagine that a child is crying through this song and I really think I should share this thought. Hopefully it bring a little extra awareness on anyone who read it (most of ppl will become parent soon or later anyway).

nb: I italic the words which really make me feel sad to imagine a person who feel that way

************************************************************************************
Because of you -- Kelly Clarckson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Chrous: Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Chorus

I watched you die I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt
Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid

************************************************************************************

Jesus' Smile

Last week was a full week.
If i describe in short (this is minimum that i can tell) : my good friend lost her mom, I miss home, I had deadlines (to prepare handouts for a camp), I cooked for 200 portions (not instant noodles, I did Cook), I was worried about my project, my report, my supervisor, my parents, and I felt I dissapointed Him (again!!).
// When I typed this, I realize the worries was the part that really make last week feel so full and stuffy ^^;

On Sunday, I came to mass with less than 2 hours sleep on the night before, I thougth I would have to struggle to stay awake. But, guess what? I didn't have to struggle, because I found that the sermon was great. The pastor says things which struck me (in a good way ^^) and really wake me up, not just from my physical drowsiness, but also my spiritual that I realized has been slowing down.

And after communion (I'm a Catholic), I looked at the crucifix, and I saw Jesus smile. It might sounds ridiculuos or over hallucinating coz being on cross, it's hard to imagine that Jesus was smiling. But He did smile to me, and that give me peace and consolation that I really needed.

I realized that I dissapointed Him, but not because of the bad handouts that I prepared, but because I sort of leave Him behind when I was preparing the handouts :(
But He forgive me, and even smile to me.

I felt really blessed. Even the stuffiest (i can't say worst, because it wasn't bad, just full and tiring) week can end up with an uplifted spirit. Just because of His Smile

Cast all your anxieties on Him, for He cares about you

1 Peter 5:6

Cast all your anxieties on Him, for He cares about you

I got this verse from a friend when I told him I was very stressed out that day. So many things to do, but I was so tired and the worst part, I was deeply dissapointed by myself. I was so undicipline and I let down people that I care for.

I learnt 2 things in a hard way:

First: I have a limit.

I guess I've been trying to hard to be an independent girl that I forgot my limit. I started to look to high on my self (sins of pride, sorry Lord).

Second: Having a limit means I can't do everything.

I should learn to say no. And, when planning was done and failed, there are times when I HAVE TO ask for HELP from others and from GOD.

I think this another way God wants to show to me that He is real and tangible, through my friends. Friends that remind me when I fail to do my work, but then offer hands to help me mend my mistakes.

Thank you Father

Deo Gratias

As a melancholic girl, my mood swings in high frequency sometimes (or is it many times???) for no good reason. And I don't really like this, because my mood can easily hijacked the blessing that I shoud've been enjoying.

I know I can't be someone else, and pretend that this mood swing is not part of me, but I realize that it's time for me to start controlling it. I can be melancholic and moody, but in my every ups and down, I want to still be grateful to God.

** My bad mood is my failure to feel His blessing. But I do believe that His blessing is alwyas here in my life. **

Therefore,

Deo Gratias
Thanks to You my Great God ^^